Reasons

The warm ocean breeze felt welcoming after his long trip across country. A deep sigh of relief escaped his lips at the realization that his travels were finally at an end and he could actually feel the pent up tension being released from his aching muscles. The view in front of him, towards the horizon, was as beautiful as he had imagined. Seagulls playfully circled overhead in the clear blue sky, squawking and cart wheeling as if without a care. He immediately felt that this is where he was meant to be. This place that many people call paradise had just opened its arms to him and let him in without questioning his reason for being here. No where else had he ever felt this.

It was still difficult to suppress the familiar urge to continue running. An urge that had become his constant companion over these past two weeks. He tried once again to find a valid reason why he was here and not where he had spent nearly ten years building a life he never thought he would ever leave behind.

The unforeseen series of events that had forced his decision had finally climaxed and he was free of everything except the memories. And even those, he could tell, were beginning to disappear into that dark pocket of his past where bad things get sealed away, never to be allowed out again. Even before he realized it, that door opened, one more time.

Closing his eyes he concentrated hard on the painful memories of the week leading up to his drastic and abrupt decision to uproot his entire life. Still trying to fit reasonable answers to the unreasonable questions that had, without warning, disrupted his entire world.

Life with a beautiful woman he deeply loved, living in a home in a nice neighborhood, good income from a dream job, all left behind in the blink of an eye. It all suddenly became so suffocating that the only chance to survive was to run. The familiar pain was quickly returning and he had to force himself to suppress it.

His eyes opened but he no longer focused on the beauty laid out before him. He saw only her, laughing at his surprised look as he opened the bedroom door.

His mind, for the hundredth time, searched for the overlooked or ignored clues that would have pointed to this painful conclusion.

He was tired. Tired of driving, tired of beating himself up. Life had a habit of throwing crap at you. Some people are good at ducking in time and some of us don’t even know its in the air until its too late.

He tried to reassure himself that sometimes just cutting your losses, admitting defeat and leaving, is the best way to preserve your sanity, if not your dignity.

Starting over is not going to be easy. But going back is not an option.

A friend of his lived down in San Diego. Maybe he could stay there while he got back on his feet. If he had enough money for gas to get there. His faith in the human spirit had come through for him before and he didn’t have any reason to believe that you only get a limited number of chances to start again so he figured he could do it.

One thing he was beginning to learn as he got older was that there is always hope. You don’t need to know the reasons why something didn’t work out for you, but without believing that the reason was for the best you will never pick yourself up and move on. He looked back out across the ocean and said to himself ‘I see blue skies ahead’.